Someone once told me, "Maybe I can't figure out who you are, because you don't know who you are yet..." And it was true, I really didn't know who I was or where I was going or even what I thought I maybe thought i wanted to do....but looking back on it, I can see that it's ok that I didn't know. Because that's part of life- Finding yourself.
Over the past few years, basically all of high school, I realized that I didn't really know who I was. I was changing, the world..my world was changing. It was changing every second I looked and I felt like I was being left breathless trying to keep up with my crazy little world. Because of this realization I made it clear to myself that I needed to figure out who I was and to find the place where my world fit in with everyone else's.
I struggled with decision making...and over the stupidest things...and now I see the relation to me struggling to find who I was and making a decision to say....go to the theatre cast party, or if it would be more fun or better for my future if I went home and thought about how I wish I had more friends or how I wish I enjoyed social gatherings...How does that make any sense?... I guess I thought it did.
I could continue on for hours about how much of my time, energy, tears, and potentially fun activities I wasted by worrying about whether I was making the right decision and shying away from a world of opportunities...but that isn't the point. My point is that if I could go back and do it all again....I'm not sure I would.
That's probably not where you thought that was going, and to be honest, I didn't see it coming either...but thinking about "would I change my past?" No way! I strongly believe that if I were to go back and tell my younger self to suck it up and go to the party or make an impulsive decision, I don't think I would do it.
That's probably not where you thought that was going, and to be honest, I didn't see it coming either...but thinking about "would I change my past?" No way! I strongly believe that if I were to go back and tell my younger self to suck it up and go to the party or make an impulsive decision, I don't think I would do it.
Today I had a really great conversation with a friend and we sort of reflected on our past struggles, specifically relationships, and how we wouldn't change a thing. I think that reflecting on your past and seeing who you are and how you got that way is in some ways very challenging but also really really important. Thinking back on my past, as I said, I don't think I would change a thing...at least nothing big...especially the things that were really tough...because I know that those hard times, those tears...they made me who I am today, and I am proud to finally say that I am on the right track to finding myself.
You might have thought this would have a happy ending where I announce that I have found myself and been able to summarize my self by saying my favorite food is sauteed vegetables, my davorite color is green, and I want to live in California in 3.7 years...but I still don't know...I like those things today but maybe next month I will have a whole set of favorites. And I am finally realizing that IT'S OK!
I feel like be being able to say that I am on the right track and that I am content with my goals and very happy with who I am today and where I see my future heading is a huge accomplishment. I feel good knowing that I don't have to have my tomorrow, my next week, my next 10 years planned out on a color coded chart...because I used to think that...Now I am comfortable seeing myself being productive, trekking forward (through good days and rough days) and doing things that I love to do.
Basically, to anyone else who might be struggling with figuring out who you are, just know this...You are who you are for a reason, and you WILL find your way. You might feel so lost, but you will find yourself on the right path someday. It might feel like an eternity, but you will find yourself and when you do you will love who you are and every moment that made you the strong human being you have become. But for now, please, just love yourself and see that it will all fall into place. Try to think of one thing you do or one thing you love about yourself, and embrace it. Really, it's not conceded to love yourself, you are doing yourself a favor, and everyone needs a little "me time".
You might have thought this would have a happy ending where I announce that I have found myself and been able to summarize my self by saying my favorite food is sauteed vegetables, my davorite color is green, and I want to live in California in 3.7 years...but I still don't know...I like those things today but maybe next month I will have a whole set of favorites. And I am finally realizing that IT'S OK!
I feel like be being able to say that I am on the right track and that I am content with my goals and very happy with who I am today and where I see my future heading is a huge accomplishment. I feel good knowing that I don't have to have my tomorrow, my next week, my next 10 years planned out on a color coded chart...because I used to think that...Now I am comfortable seeing myself being productive, trekking forward (through good days and rough days) and doing things that I love to do.
Basically, to anyone else who might be struggling with figuring out who you are, just know this...You are who you are for a reason, and you WILL find your way. You might feel so lost, but you will find yourself on the right path someday. It might feel like an eternity, but you will find yourself and when you do you will love who you are and every moment that made you the strong human being you have become. But for now, please, just love yourself and see that it will all fall into place. Try to think of one thing you do or one thing you love about yourself, and embrace it. Really, it's not conceded to love yourself, you are doing yourself a favor, and everyone needs a little "me time".
<3 Rach
